Turtle's Web Blog

के नै पो ख्याँसियो?

2010-12-29T12:03:00.002+05:45

जीनदगीको धेरै बसन्त जिइयो

खोइ त के ख्याँसियो?

बाल्यकालमा कामथियो, पढिन्थ्यो;

कहिले बाको कहिले मिसको गाली पनि खाइयो,

तर खोइ त के नै ख्याँसियो?

जवानीमा प्रेम पनि गरियो

कलेज जान्छु भनेर

गोदावरी पनि धाइयो,

तर, खोइ त के नै ख्याँसियो?

पैसो चाहियो, जागिर खाइयो

कहिले वाह वाह पाइयो

कहिेले हप्काइ खाइयो

तर जीन्दगीमा के नै ख्याँसियो?

कसै संग सम्बन्ध सुमधुर बनाइयो

कसैसंग चिस्याइयो,

तर खोइ त के ख्याँसियो?

जीनदगीको धेरै बसन्त जिइयो

खोइ त के नै पो ख्याँसियो?

It has been a while.

2010-04-20T14:43:00.003+05:45

It has been a while,

since my walk to the last mile.

There was so much to do,

But only few ounces of beer could brew.

And all that remaining rye

was left to dry.

There is so much to do

I wish all the beer could brew

And not even a single ounce of rye

would be left to dry.

Though it has been a while,

I have yet to walk my last mile.

The Lonely Rain

2008-04-23T02:29:00.002+05:45

If there were
no cell to call!
no contact to mail!
no party to attend!
no culrav to organize!

wud we have
still been the same?
wud we still miss
eachother in the lonely rain?

if there were
no eyes to see!
no hands to touch!
no ears to hear!
no heart to beat!

wud we have
still been the same?
wud we still miss
eachother in the lonely rain?

Wish you were here!

2008-03-24T16:31:00.003+05:45

Sitting here, all by myself,
I wish you were here.
Then hits a sensation;
you are here,
sitting next to me,
staring at me,
and telling me to put the cigarrette butt aside.
I do the same
and look at you;
Your glowing face,
amazing as it looks in the dim moon-light,
as if you are my guiding light

Then u are gone
again;
in your own space
where i hope
i join u,
and tell u not to sneeze

As weird as it is
I hope u miss me more than I
I hope someday we shall meet
and then there would be no room
for loneliness in both of the lives.
Sitting here, all by myself
I wish u were here.

Hopeless

2008-03-03T15:14:00.001+05:45

Great!

i am yet again behind the race. I had already become one lap late than the leaders and now the leaders have taken a lead in this lap too.

How depressing but obvious is that? With my kind of attitude, the only thing i deserve is to be at the bottom of the finished list if I ever finish the race that is. Everyone knows that! so why am i depressed?

"Not a big deal" some people might say. And more often than not those few people are my own other egos from within myself. In my imaginary world made up of losers, I am the winner. They have this dumb belief that I can never loose. And yet, on the outside I keep failing and they keep boosting don't worry mate, next time.

When will the next time come nobody knows, but the imaginary losers are always there to cheer me on for yet another no aim path that i often pursue to make myself feel good.

Funny as it sounds, I write only when i am really down. when things have gone out my hands to a point of no return. Everyone reading my writings that I think I would leave behind as the only mark of my own will come to believe that I was a sadistic looser caught up in worldly pleasure without even a blur image of wot he wanted to be.

When will this course end if ever it does? A question whose answer I have hopelessly surrendered to the hands of Mr. Fate. Till then, I will always be this miserable fuck. love u all. take care. Adios!

KOOPA: Our Multi-million Tree!

2007-07-30T00:48:00.000+05:45

Right!

At the time when we are giving final finishing touches to our biggest endeavor till date, me and khelu, the co-founders of Turtle Inc. have high hopes and biggest dreams that one can have as a creator.

The name is called KOOPA. Inspired by Nintendo's animated turtle creatures, Turtle Inc. joined hands with the creative legend AD to shape out and fuel KOOPA, the next big thing. In making a kick ass LAN site (neyull dont laugh), we have tried hard to keep everyone's interest in mind.

Since the site's success is all about getting it become popular, we have thought about different campaigns that would atleast make everyone aware of the site.

Someday, when the site goes big, we will all earn big bucks and recruit people and budding talents will be queing up to join the best IT firm in the world. That is how high the hopes are with our baby project.

Best of luck KOOPA
:)

Subsidise ciarettes or?

2007-06-13T00:07:00.000+05:45

Yes, I am a smoker. And, I have rights to speak out my mind just like all you anti-smoking campaigners and policy makers have a right to to get pissed and protest about it. But, I here will provide you with a valid and a sincere opinion on why cigarettes should be subsidised.

Cigarette is an addiction. I agree and once that 0.5 mg of nicotine in each cigarette starts flowing through your blood you cant get enough of it. It is like oxygen to the blood or at least for the state your mind goes into after your first puff. Right now, as I can see governments from all the nations are trying to exploit the above fact very well. Generating revenues is a massive task and it is an uphill climb if all your tax payers are trying to hide their earnings from you as much as they can. But, in smokers they find a handicapped bunch of people who would pay just about anything to get that next puff of the irresistible smoke. So, they decided to exploit us. How? You may ask. It’s simple. Increase the price of the cigarettes every two weeks.

Now, if this was petrol or kerosene, bare in mind how much they contribute to the green-house gases and the global warming, all the party activists, no matter what party they belong to would go up in arms and let the government know exactly what they really think of them and their policies. We on the other hand have no committee or an organisation to support us. So, there is no way at least on this earth that we could really do anything about the price hikes. And, smokers are really not concerned about the price tag any way. And even if they are, they would keep their lips zipped with the fear of making themselves an anti-social element or a social outcast. So, the government has nothing to fear about when they increase the price two-folds in just over a month.

Now, after the illustration on how the government is exploiting us, moving to the jinx of the topic. All the scientific communities of the world agree that smokers are in more risk of getting all kinds of cancer and respiratory tract problems. So, just going by that logic, it is essential for them that they save a vital amount of their money for their health-care which would soon be needed for them in a not so distant future. But, the price of the cigarettes is increasing, so they are not saving much. Would it not be a wiser decision to subsidise cigarettes so that they could attend to their health care with more capital when they do get sick?

And, if this theory makes all you people sick, I will tell you burning gas that u get in subsidised rate makes me sick too and makes the whole earth go warmer. I think that is a bigger issue than just a portion of the world's population getting some kind of sickness. See what you guys are doing is encouraging the earth to go hotter everyday. There is not much of a difference between us expect for a fact that you guys destroy a much bigger entity than we do and yet u get the governments’ backing.

Now, if you think this is crazy, at least we should have subsidies for our future health care. Because, we cant just go on paying more taxes than any other and not get special treatment when we need the most. So, if you guys are taking more money from our pockets(which I still believe is unethical), may be perhaps you guys should collect all that money and invest it into a cancer research program or in making a special health care for all those smokers. Because, you are filling in your pockets with our money and if we don’t get any subsidies or better treatment that's just a massive fraud the world has ever witnessed.

Life Assessment

2007-05-07T22:13:00.000+05:45

Lieutenant:

The end of the road is near. You've got bull-dozer to build some more, private? We haven't located our target yet!!!

Private:

Did we not build some miles extra already sir?

Lieutenant:

Yes, we did. But I guess, it ain't enough.

Private:

I hate to tell sir, but the road ends in a river and we don't know how to swim.

Lieutenant:

Then, we might just have to learn how to, wont we?

Private:

We should have never taken the one less travelled by, sir!

Lieutenant:

Soldiers don't loose hope private. Now jump in there and move your limbs. You will be able to swim.

Chyapo and Thingu: A Tribute!

2007-05-04T02:43:00.000+05:45

Back in the times, when khelu and I used to share 208-Patel, we furnished our room with a lot of things to make it homey and cozy for both of us. When we were done with everything else, we thought about having a pet/s.

I had always wanted to keep turtles as pets and never succeeded in doing so at my own home because my parents would go crazy about keeping a fish let alone an amphibian. So, when I suggested khelu about it, he gave it a thumbs up and we got ourselves two turtles from a shop at katra.

In the rickshaw, two of us filled with joy with our pets and their little glassy home, we thought about names for our latest roomies. I was still obsessed with Adam sandler's pet in "50 first dates"; Chyapo, so i put the name of my (the one which was bigger) turtle Chaypo. Khelu thought he would call it just turtle but in manipuri (his mother tongue), which was Thingu.

It was cool to hang around with our new roomies. They were slow and whenever they got pissed, they would hide inside their shells and then slowly came out of it without too much fuss at all. We played. The racing was the most fun part. Chyapo wouldnt move at all. Small thingu would be really energetic once out of his glass. But Chyapo would be cautious.

We became famous. We were now being known as the "Turtle Dudes". We were so inspired by our new roomies that we started a radio over the LAN and called it Turtle Radio. We named our fictious tech firm, Turtle Inc. And i started calling myself Turtle. My brother started calling himself Turtle's bro.

But then, one sad day, chyapo bade us farewell. We were upset. But we did know the end was near because he was on an infinite hunger strike protesting god knows what. He chose the Gandhian style of revolution, but never understood that in today's world nobody gives a shit about peaceful course of action. You need to make sound and wreck some havoc to get heard loud and clear.

Thingu, inspired by his fellow comrade, followed the same course of action and soon followed suit. We were so engulfed by our name and fame that these little guys had given us, we forgot to take care of them. We forgot that we were famous because of these little creatures. And people adored us for learning to live with species of diferent kinds not because our pets were different.

In a symbiotic environment, it is essential that the interests of both the parties be taken care of by each other. We failed to take care of our roomies interests and their pains. We turned a blind eye in their search for something that we didn't bother to find out because they would just not speak up.

This is a tribute to all Chyapos and Thingus that have been promised a better future but have been denied just because they are too miniscule a thing for anyone really listen to. Every one has a voice and if they are not attended by a suitable response, no society will be in a total symbiosis, which is the intial idea anyway.

Happy Birthday!

2007-04-24T00:54:00.000+05:45

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!

-Fort Minor

I had a dream. I was famous and successful. That was on my birthday 5 years back. Fast forward to 5 years and life could not be more messed up than it is. It is my first birthday when I am in a pensive mood. And everybody who knows me will know why.

Being, Twenty Three is not that bad but its just that I feel like crying. God knows why. God has not been kind to me these days. It stole from me my soul. Wonder how old will I be before it takes my physical existence out of this world as well.

But before that I have to be a somebody. I am a somebody now; a son, a brother, a friend. Still I am a nobody in this ever ballooning up world of good and bad. There must be a way for me; a plan that was laid down for me; a contract between me and the God; otherwise I wouldn't be here in the first place.

Spending 23 years in the earth, i am thinking of my parallel lives. How it would have been if I had taken some different decisions for me? But that is past, as pravin dai said. And supposedly life has greater things in store for everybody and that aplies to me unless I am an outcast.

With this note of optimism, I wish myself a Happy Birthday. And wish that my dream will come true and hopefully I am not in a pensive mood in any of my birthdays from now on. Take care amie. Your family and friends are always with you.

Wishing happy b'day to all the life forms who share their birthday with me today.

Every night a different dream; every day a different struggle

2007-04-08T23:17:00.000+05:45

Philosophical indeed!

It's refreshing to get along with such a thought when you are planning to write your next blog after a long long time.

Life has been caught by same old daily routines in the college and loneliness almost alien to me in few years. I have kept me to myself in these days. And, probably thats why it never occurred in my lobes that I had to update my blogs.

Now, since I am writing this lets get on with it. i would love to elaborate on the title but I have nothing to elaborate on. The first few months I just had one dream; and I was lost when I was awake not knowing how to get it. Then I lost my dream. I have dream about lots of things since then; about me, about my closed ones and I still don't get what I have to do to make everything happening again.

The misery on all this is when I am awake, i don't ponder upon them and when I am getting into the groove; a smoke and its all gone. I sleep; I wake up. I see people who struggle their asses off to achieve their dreams. I don't know what chemicals run in them to give them that thirst which I obviously dont have. A chemical imbalance probably. Too much intake of the OH and its subsidiaries may be.

When i went home for the short trip, I had a reflection of myself. What I had become. I cried due to induction from my mom. I came back with all those dreams, I had as a child, again. Then... Nothing. It want away. every day before I sleep. I plan and pan myself to face the struggle that lies the next day. But, when I do get up the next day, I somehow become imperfect to fit in the scenes of an entirely new day and a new chapter in my life. To many, a new day is a chance to make a struggle count. For me its another time to make the struggle even more harder.

I need to stop that and struggle more. Till then dream on amie. Hopefully there will be a dream that will lift you up and up and high.

The Goa Diaries

2007-01-14T02:44:00.000+05:45

Day 0; 23 dec 2006

It is 9:30 am and we are all set to go. After Runit & Co. arrived yesterday, everybody has been kept on their toes by their regular search of excitement within each member.

We have all started off with minimum clothes/utilities and maximum food for the trip.

[ I saw her in my dreams after a long time yesterday. She came back to me and I tried to run out from her. That to in my dreams; dont know what would I have done if it were real.]

The Team:

Amod; Runit; Hemant; Ashok; Raghu; Sushmit; Sangeet; Sunil; Bal

Day 2; 25 dec 2006

It is christmas and we are in Goa. It is around sun set in this part of the world and we have now covered aound 1/2 of the stretch of Goa; just in one day. I manufactured myself this time on the sand of Vagator beach with guys all in the salty water of the Arabian Sea. Some 20 metres besides me is a chick in bikini (if she is hot, I dont know of) who is reading a book. Chicks are of plenty here that too all hot. lol!

We started the morning at around 8:00 am from Margaon where we had haulted for the night overnight. The sleep at the platform, which is notably a ISO:9001 standard, was one with no-one having any regrets at all.

We arrived at Vagator at around 2:00 pm after visiting the churches at old Goa and hopping at Panjim and Mapusa on the way.

There was a time when Baje panicked and compared Goa with Biratnagae and somehow agjudged the later better. That all changed when we al saw a hot chick in her mini-skirts and Baje was in heavens already.

The chick, I was talking about a moment earlier, has got rid off of her clothes and now is on an impressive orange bikini and she is HOT.

The trip as of now is flawless with lots of good and some bad experiences. The local train from Kalyan to Thane was a headspin. I had heard about a fast moving Mumbai but actuallybeing there to witness it was both awesome and a littlediscomfoting. My hand still hurts thanks to some inhospitable pushing and pulling when we were getting off of a jam packed room.

The lunch today slightly overshoot our budget but did nothing to our taste buds nor our tummies(thankfully). As guys are returning out from the sea wet and wild, we still have no idea where we will put up for the night. [5:30 pm]

Day 6; 29 dec 2006

I have not been able to jot down the activites for quite a long time now. Juts because, for the first time, purely because I was absolutely out of time. So many have been the momeont/storites to be told, I might miss on numerous things in this memo that I am writing after 3 days.

Lets start with vagator. After the swim on the sea, we got together, bravely carried all our luggages, which becomes heavier the more you rest it on your backs, and headed to the otherside of the cliff.

We settled in a restaurant. We had a beer and I smoked. I have learned how to smoke in Goa. That’s why I like to call the trip “The Smoking’ Goa”. For a moment, we forgot the entire accommodation problem and enjoyed the beer on the sands with the sight of sun setting in the horizon. Everybody saving Baje relaxed who was troubled by a little stomach ache which would haunt Hemant more seriously after our stay at Baga.

After the dinner, we were told about a party up the hill; Sushmit, Sunil and Baje had the confirmation. Sunil even took a chance and asked a chick for a dance but had no luck.

We climbed up the cliff and we were in the midst of hot chicks. Everywhere we saw, everywhere we walked some times we following them and sometimes vice-versa.

The owner of the restaurant turned out to be a friendly person, first in a line of helpful/cheerful and warm human beings we would meet in days to follow. He offered us a small place besides his restaurant for us to sleep. Sarias, Raghu, Sunil and Baje went off to explore more following the light of the Bajes’ indigenous lamp. We slept after some reality checks with Sangeet having plenty of regrets on having to sleep over roasted cow dung.

Sangeet is always the first to wake up and makes every one wake up far too early than our usual standards. Next day, we freshened up had lunch and went to see the Chapura Fort. Everybody tried their best to give the “Dil Chahta Hai” shot. We were then off to Baga.

Baga was unique in its own rights as all the others are. Baga and Calungate, the two central beaches have been vastly commercialized due to a heavy inflow of not only international tourism but internal tourism as well.

As a result, Baga and Calungate have a heavy Indian presence and is ideal for party animals. We were once again haunted by the thought of spending another chilly night by the beach. Sleeping on the beach can be tricky. The water level keeps on fluctuating. By the evening it would go down and as the night begins the water level keeps on rising and rising and by the time sun goes up, it decreases again. So, a place to should be ideally as far off from the shore as possible. We could not locate any such suitable locations around the beach because there waere hardly any empty spaces between the strings of beach shacks set up to cater the needs of the tourists. We finally did locate a place near a boat used by fishermen and decided we would put up there for the night.

When we sat down to eat, the waiter turned out to be a real nice guy from Darjeeling and he was absolutely estatic to find a group of Nepalese in his place. He helped us tremendously with the billing and we gained some valuable insights on how prosperous hotel management can be. As we chatted along, I felt how big a divide there is between the haves and the have nots in this world.

The beach had everything to entertain us. There was even a show where a kid would perform courageous stunts with fire. Sushmit was not impressed with the open violation of child rights and refused to see any of it. The fireworks display was also impressive. The karaoke on the other restaurant was sometimes awesome and sometimes gruesome.

Before we went off to sleep me and runit caught up with two young fishermen who were cooking there meal in a little fire along side the beach. They even offered us some of their catch but we had no spaces in our tummy. We were not always woke up by Sangeet’s blabbers, some of us could not sleep because of cold and Sangeet was the most to suffer at Baga.

Because he could not sleep, Sangeet was not letting any one do so till late morning. He is very good at cracking jokes. “ Punjabi apna rasta khud banata hai.” Is the best till date. We gifted Anand Tsering Dai a souvenir and he was glad. We also met a guy from kanpur; quite a chatty fellow but nice. Then we left Baga.

Hemant was really sick by now and on the bus probably he told himself that he cannot continue with this wild roaming without taking care of his stomach before any other excursions in the survivor camp.

When we got down at Mapusa, the plan was to find a place and stay there for the night. We were also suppose to go to Anjuna Beach for the evening. We found a nice hotel in a modest price. Everybody took turns for a fresh shower. For many it was there first fresh shower after we had left Allahabad or thei home even. Me, Runit and heaven had however stolen time at the Margaon station to take a shower in Christmas. I shaved after 10 days. This cleaning up ourselves took us close to 3 hours and left us absolutely starving. So we finally made our way down to the hotel to find a really clean and nice vegetarian restaurant whose thali was impressive at just 25 rs. A plate. Some good food was a delight but Hemant was already under ORS.

After the meal, Hemant retired in the hotel and we headed towards Anjuna. We missed the flee market due to some information mismatch but Runit, Sangeet and Raghu were quick to explre the high tide waves. They still say the remaining of us missed the best waves of the trip. My slippers mae way from the side and I was forced to walk bare-footed until I found a shop where I bought a pair of Hawai for 70 bucks. Fair price according to Bajaj. We talked with some local kids. From the little conversation we could manage with them. We managed to have Bal figure out that Goans are weak in maths. Apparently he had noticed the conductors unable to perform simple multiplications.

When we missed the last bus to Mapusa, saving Raghu and Bal, we all decided to walk about 12 kms to Mapusa. Though Runit had far ambitious ideas of getting a date for the night, I think e\he enjoyed the prospects of a tiresome hike more and he joined and lead the expedition buying everyone a bottle of water and a beer for himself. After walking for around half an hor and some beautiful figured sights around which according to Baje was real hot, Runit got us a lift from a pickup. I nearly missed out on the lift. But, once we got up the back of the pick-up the wind started pulling our hair in the opposite direction and we were enjoying the free trip to the fullest. The wise driver, who worked for some Western Charity organization, pulled over 3 kms away from Mapusa and we hiked all the way. It took us around 45 minutes to reach I think. I was my first experience to walk from a place where no person would be seen to the civilization.

When we reached the hotel, everybody else had gone for dinner and we joined them. Hemant tried but could not eat anything. We took Hemant to a Government hospital where he was diagnosed no dehydrated and was prescribed some drugs and was advised to continue his ORS. The hospital itself amazed us. There were three on duty doctors at 11:00 in the night. And the service was free. We returned to the hotel, made a little soup for Hemant and slept.

The next day (Wednesday), we decided to head off to Arambol. We are still here and are now planning to stay here till the new years. The only problem we are facing right now is we cant get bikes and any effort to get some was also put aside because we were told we would require Indian passports which none of us had.

Anyways, when we walked through the alley that led us to the Beach, we were overwhelmed by happy and welcoming Nepali people. Business is good here, they say and as I am writing this note right now, I can see what they mean even in a little depression in tourists this year due to Al-Qaeda threats.

We met Uttam Dai of Kathmandu Collection, a real warm guy, my uncle’s age. He offered us his shop to keep our luggages which we gracefully accepted. We had real fun with Uttam dai and other people at kathmandu collection. He even treated us a lunch one day.

Once we got down to the beach, as the Italian in the bus told, we found ourselves in the most beautiful beach of all. We did our usual routine; took a dip in the sea; roamed around. We were joined by a chick from Chech Republic, a dude from Denmark and another one from Israel with two guys from Pune when we played volleyball.

Later, we could see topless women enjoyin the warm Goan sun, which has become another way of life after more than twehty four hours on the beach.

I met some Austrian guys around. One wants to come to Allahabad for the Kumbh Mela and I am offering him my hostel room if he does. At night, I checked up with some Nepalese all around the market and ended up in a cyber cafe. We dined at another Nepalese joint and had a real nice meal.

We headed towards the beach and listened to some great music by a Spanish, a german and an English. Before that the performance at a local restaurant, LOEKI, was mind blowing. It was real good.

Me, Raghu, Hemant and Bal stayed at the beach and others went to a party which they never found. I woke up to a real cold morning and walked up to a fire where I met the Austrians. When I came back everybody was up. We freshened up had coffee and went to sweet lake. The hike to the duplicate banyan tree was cool. We came back had breakfast and slept on the beach.

Others returned and we met them on their way to sweet lake after we had our breakfast. Sushmit fell from a rock and sustaqined minor injuries in his hand during the hike but remaining people they say saw naked women and Sushmit even saw some kind of sexual stuff.

After my lunch, I stayed at KTM collection and completed this diary and now that everybody is here I am off to roam around with them.

[7:45 pm; 29-12-06]

02-01-2007

[ That day, when we were roaming I got a chance to call home. Fortunately, it was my dad’s Birthday. I wished him and remembered something that had started that day and had lasted for a magical five years.]

Happy New Years to everybody, dead, alive, single, committed; everybody who can listen, read or whatever their preference.

Today is the last day on our Goa Trip. Our train departs at 9:00 om from Margaon. We had no plans on the new years day; so we just passed the day . I slept. Others did something or the other.

The day before; the last day of 2006, we went to Qerim and boarded the Ferry and were trapped on the other side of the backwaters with Sangeet, Raghu and Hemant on the either side. We looked like people who had just hiked through Sahara. But as the evening dusked, we were caught by an excitation of welcoming new years. Everybody tried their best to look fresh and hot for the party. We dressed and headed for the parties on the beach.

[ I have always found myself lonely when I am in the crowd. There are so many people around you, but no-one to turn to, to talk to. Anyways, the party was rocking and I was high with a screwdriver and cigarettes.]

We met all kinds of people. Everybody met someone or the other. But, I think Gante should win the race when it comes to making one close. Sadly, from the things that Gante tells us about her, she sounds like a loner but except that she seems to be fine. We had no experiences as such ourselves.

On 30^th, after having an innovative breakfast at the duplicate banyan tree that we had discovered the previous day, we climbed further up the hill to reach the real Banyan Tree. We were welcomed by a hairy dannish guy(saint) who was weak and claimed that he had been looking after the place for ten years now.

We were more than impressed by his house-keeping. Everything was so clean. He sang us Hanuman Chalisa to the tune of his Guitar after we sang some Bhajans. He seemed disappointed with authorities in Nepal because he was not allowed inside the Temple of Lord Pashupatinath.

Me and Sushmit went to Qerim afterwards and returned for the lunch we were offered by Uttam Dai. It was an adventure because I was barefooted on the most difficult and rocky terrain I had traversed till date.

[ Yesterday, ie Jan 1^st, we got an opportunity to jam up with a guy from Russia, whom we later posed as Kid-rock to Praveen Dai. He was good with his guitar. We sang few songs. I felt good, probably the only time I was happy the whole day.]

[ I called her up yesterday and felt real stupid. Shouldn’t have had.]

[ Wishing mom, Dad and Mote a Happy New year. Love you guys. Take care.]

[ 8:00 am; 02-01-2007]

Later that day, we saw Urmila Matondkar casually shopping in the market. We went up for an autograph but were shoved away.

After reaching Margaon, Guys went off to some other beach, Me, Baje, Sunil, Hemant and Sangeet stayed back at Margaon for a movie. We met at the station had dinner and boarded our train. We didn’t have a reservation, so we just slept on the floor something that has not been an alienating experience for us after the trip.

Next morning at Mumbai, we had another fighting experience with the local train. We even lost a sleeping bag. We put our luggages at the cloak room and went off to roam around Mumbai. Runit went to meet his sisters. We all walked from CST to the gateway of India. Later me and Sushmit took the cruise to Elephanta. Others stayed on and enjoyed Mumbai.

We came back and walked for some time through the alleys surrounding the Taj Hotel, We reached Marine drive in a perfect time of sunset. And it looked awesome. We were also impressed by Mumbai’s BEST bus service and that’s why we wondered why people in Mumbai commuted via the crowded local trains.

We had dinner and boarded the train and had some troubles with the TTE because we didn’t have reservation for two stations. When everything was settled we were all recapitulating the glorious week that had gone by in Goa.

We reached Allahabad at 8:00 pm next day and felt at home. We had the most expensive dinner of the entire trip at Maikhana and returned to sleep in our beds.

The trip has been one we will cherish for years to come. Hail LMC and thanks to everyone involved for making it a carnival.

From the LMC blogs this is Jhilke signing off with the list of things we will never forget about Goa.

The Nicks

Ashok alias Pakhandi.

Bal alias the revolutionary

Amod alias Hagua

Sushmit alias Paapi

Sangeet alias Alarm/ Shikhandi

Runit alias CS

Hemant alias Veja Manager

Sunil alias Gattuso

Raghu alias Lose tuner

Khaires alias khate bhikari

The common fund; Flexible; Chikandro; Dawaat ko chicken Thali; Kathmandu Collection; Uttam Dai; Shiva dai; Sweet Lake; The Banyan Tree baba; Topless Babes; Urmila; Penelope Cruz look alike; The new years’ Russian chick.

[Any changes that the members felt should be done or added are encouraged to do so. Just type in your own memorable experiences at the comments or come to us to edit the blog. Love u all. God save us.]

Silly Comparision.

2006-12-17T23:27:00.002+05:45

I often compare reading one’s own article with seeing oneself in the mirror. Because one never gets tired of reading one’s own articles just like one never gets tired of looking oneself into a mirror. And no matter how bad/good one looks or has written it always is good and feels right to the first person. And that’s a startling resemblance, dont you think?

Just a Thought..

2006-12-17T23:27:00.001+05:45

You know, I think I should start maintaining a diary again. It could do just a right thing for me. Rewinding a day. When you are maintaining a diary, what you do is; rewind the whole day searching for something that you could/should record. And when you don’t find something good to write about one day, you make sure you do something worthwhile the very next day; so that you could fill up your diaries' pages the very next day. And, that could just help me because then I would be always alarmed if I was not doing anything constructive for a long time.

I know why I stopped maintaining a diary before. I think it was in MNNIT itself that I got really furious about someone reading my diary and that too very very personal parts. But now all of a sudden it doesnt matter to me. I dont care what other people should think reading about me. It is who I am and if they do find out what I really I am it is their luck; either good or bad.

Its just a thought. one of many thoughts that comes across my mind on improving my studies. take care amie.

Feeling Good.

2006-12-17T23:27:00.000+05:45

I felt good today after so many days. In fact I have been feeling good since yesterday. And it was all due to an unexpected bump into Runa & Co. It was so much fun today and yesterday. The chatters didn’t seem to end at all. Though we missed chaure, minal and others from the PRASMA and DARKSS, I was all of a sudden among friends again.

What I have realized is that when you are in a relationship you tend to let friendship slip away a little. And now that I am single again, all of a sudden I fear my lack of friends. From a person whom friends would surround and really good ones at that, I have become a person with no one to hang out with when I come home. And probably, that’s why I felt so strongly towards being together today. It was both like and unlike old days. What had changed probably was the fact that I was sitting with people with probably a brighter future than me. But, Life's a roller-coaster. You just cant judge it ever.

I dont know what I am typing today. Its just that I wanted to type somehing about the evening that I enjoyed a lot after such a long time. And probably I need to practice some writing anyways. Because its probably just me and Runit who are suppose to keep the LMC's blogs. And we have big plans for LMC as such and probably a great story to tell to all the LMC family, friends and well-wishers. lol!

The Catch Up!

2006-10-19T21:01:00.001+05:45

As I often do, there is so much to catch up with in this blog. But, its good this way. Now, atleast I will end up writing a long and a logical blog that is not just supposed to be read by myself. I think any other person reading my blog is just another guy that I know, and happened to check it out just because I made him too. Any ways, I should not be deterred by this low attendance of readers, I should be wrting this thing for the greater mass that I think will read this. Hopefully.

Anyways, from the time I wrote my last blog(excluding Twenty Four), a lot has gone by. First was my visit to Lucknow, a trip fully sponsored by the the college's alumni, lucknow chapter. Had fun that day, went to a fucked up water park, then got lucky with drinks in the party that night. We were all high when we boarded the bus in return.

Second, was just two day later when I joined the college's football team to go to this Inter NIT football meet. We were runner ups there. Had quite a good time. But, we returned broke. And the college has still not retunred our 800 odd bucks that we spend going and coming there.

Then, Khelu joined us to a trip to my place. Seven days were a fun-filled hoidays, and a trip to pokhara was just the icing on the cake that made our holidays memorable with lots of things to cheer about.

Now, one week after the return, and another CT, life is shitty again. And the world is shitty again. A week before North Korea carried out its Nuke- exercise. And back home, Girija and Prachanda backed out of the meeting due to massive differences in specific issues. I think the issue was the monarchy.

Twenty Four

2006-09-25T02:29:00.000+05:45

Twenty Four is the number of persons that were on board the Shri Airlines chopper 9N-AHJ (MI-172). They had completed their task of handing over the Kanchanjunga Conservation Area to the local community. Five minutes after it took off from Dhunsa ( a place I had never heard the name of until this morning), it had lost contact with the towers guiding it. It's whereabout as I write this blog is still not known.

Its really wierd, why I decided to write a blog on a tragic incident such as this. But, chatting with runit a little while ago, made me realize how sad I was with the whole thing. It was the first day(Ghatasthapana) of the greatest festival of Nepali and yet for the family of those 24 people (nepali and foreigners included) it brought with it the most horrific and shocking news of their lives. Yes, we are a bunch of jolly people, but events like this always reminds us (at least to me it does) of the more recent past that saw bloodshed and things that nobody wants or wanted.

I have a fear that this may be a sign of things to come. I am not a firm believer of omens, but offlate, few of the signs have come true. And, I am worried that my worry may turn into a reality and my country would plunge into yet another political spin hat would take years to solve.

There was another news that said, a breakaway faction of Maoists (Janatantrik Terai Mukti Morcha JTMM) killed a MP. Even if everything goes according to the grand-plan of the "Grand Constituent Assembly" and the restoration of a system decided by it, there will always be some faction (small or big) that will be killing people senselessly, like it has been done for the last decade. I know all this sounds really pessimistic, but the Maoists (u like them or not) have taught a new lesson to the Nepalese. If you want to be heard you have to take up the arms.

The only hope for me right now is to stop thinking about all these negative thoughts and think about a peaceful and calm Nepal that I once as kid saw and grew up in. Jaya Nepal. I will always be proud of you my motherland. love.

Shri Pashupatinathle Hami Sabai ko Rakshya Garun!

The Optimistic Blog

2006-08-28T02:34:00.000+05:45

Dated: 21-08-06

Seven days from now is the Class Test 1. It may be a no big deal for absolutely everybody. But, it is a big big one for me. It is my chance (and probably the only one) to prove to myself that I still have the ability to crack anything that I want.

Leading upto it, I have been trying to keep myself upbeat and optimistic. So, I have been doing stuffs that would make me feel good. The secret to feel good as somebody simple said is to eat good, dress good, sleep good, and read good. So, I have been avoiding all the pessimistic news that would otherwise surround me.

Like, if the mess food is no good, I would go out to eat not bothering about my pocket. I would even not read about the Lebanese conflict. Actually, I read the article about the truce but I did not click on the article that read," UN not happy with violators of the truce:Israel". For one week atleast, I am not getting depressed.

I am looking at my peers and other pople and focusing on factors that I am better in than them. Even though, there are very few, they are enough to make me upbeat. So, it is exactly what the doctor has prescribed.

The only thing that is not working well though are my studies. i am working at it and I assure all you guys that it will be in place very soon. Take care.

P.S. Be an optimist. It makes you smile.

You are not welcome!

2006-07-30T10:04:00.000+05:45

Today is the first day of an endeavour I never wanted or even dreamt in my wildest nightmares that I would ever take. Still, I have got things to sort out. But, as of now, for a brief time, I am relaxed. I have not been that for a long time now.

Sometimes, I still wonder where has the person inside me gone? But, as I have realized, I have been wondering too much on that fact rather than trying to mould and give shape to the new person that is left in me now. It is a hard task. I know parenting is always the hardest job to do on this planet. And I want this kid of mine to be as proud as I am of my parents.

Keeping aside so many parallel thoughts I get these days, and that was one of it, lets concentrate on why I installed the MS Office 2003 at 5:30 AM just to write a blog. Actually, it is funny. Its just one of those days when you need to keep a mark so that you can flip on your history pages to look back into it later. Just my history of course. And if you are highly optimistic, this day might even be important for historians of later centuries. Lol!

Today, I am adding up one more year to complete my Bachelors Degree. And, I have never been so sorry for myself my whole life. Yes, I do write this kind of statement in my every blog and probably people reading it might even think I am a pessimistic pig. But, I have read somewhere that a good writer can always mask his personal life and attitude with his writings. I am not a good writer though.

I could not sleep last night. You can blame it on the hungry mosquitoes, or the powercut. So, when my eyes open at 4:00 AM, it was hard to go back to sleep again. So, I decided I would go meet the GOD for a change. It was a perfect beginning to an imperfect endeavour. Anyways, I got up, freshened up and headed towards Narayani Ashram.

On my way to the main temple, I was thinking of all kind of things I could or should tell the GOD. I knew he would seek answers from me. And, answers I didn’t have. When I reached there the doors were closed. It was almost as if he was saying “You are not welcome son. Go, achieve something in your life and come back when you think you deserve a date with me.”

The Republic?

2006-07-24T08:21:00.000+05:45

From my past blogs; (This actually is an article before I started blogging)

December 16 2005

"People's Republic of Nepal". I read this in one of the blog sites and i snapped back to read its contents. It was very unusual. The official name of Nepal would always be preceded by the glorious "The Kingdom of" and though it still is called the same, many inside and outside the country believe at some point of time in future the official name of the country may be the one mentioned in the blog site.

Every Nepali soul in the universe will surely react to the above paragraph. The Nepalese kingdom with its glorious and proud history ( atleast in the nepalese history books untill the secondary education) preaches of our glorious past and an undoubtedly strong bond between the king and his people. Ask any Nepali "Would like to give up your kingdom for a republic?" The first answer will be an angry "No." Then after the question sinks in and he analyses what it means in the present scenario he might not be able to give you an answer. We are the citizen of the only hindu kingdom. There is a pride associated with the word kingdom for Nepalese. But the question is in today's world of liberalism and free society can pride be the only agenda that the public would think upon when they decide on what kind of administration they want?

The Day

2006-07-24T08:00:00.000+05:45

Dated: March 20, 2006

Now many of us do have days, that we believe couldnt get wierder. And this blog is the description of one of those days. I dont know the other two guys who were also involved in are gonna try and blog it out. But as all of us promised, I am gonna complete my end of the bargain.
When we started on a journey back home from our college (Allahabad), we never would have imagined what was in store for us. Just three days back, I had had the first attack of Asthma (which is now confirmed). So, we had taken every precaution needed for a sound and troubleless journey. We started off as usual, late again, and everybody scamperring to reach the station in time; grabbed ourselves food and boarded the train which was thankfully a half an hour late.

The journey began, and so did the ecstasy and joy in every ones face of the homecoming. The plan was three of us (Sumiran, me and pooja) were flying from the border town of bhairahawa to reach the capital of our country and our home. Others were to take either a micro or a bus to the same destination. The Chauri-Chaura Express, arrived at Gorakhpur at 8:00 am IST and we hurried and got ourselves a jeep and in two hours reached Bhairahawa.

At this point, I think I should frankly state that there had never been a greater urge in me to reach home this time around. Perhaps aggrtevated by the fact that I was sick, or perhaps may be a littile scared, for the first timein my life I had really missed my family and really wanted to be in the shelter of my own roof. On top of that the doctor, I had consulted at Allahabad had injected me 9 times in my butt without letting me know what was there in the syringe.

When we reached Bhairahawa, Raghu (Raghvendra) thought the journey was not getting any fun because the other guys had decided to board a public vehichle and not reserve one. So. he decided to fly with us instead. He was in for some fun later as it turned out. All the three of us managed to get tickets on a tight day. Pooja, who was also flying had her ticket already booked and grabbed her ticket from a office at Milan Chowk. Pooja was a little late for her flight, so we drove up to the airport as fast as we could. Buddha Air, the one which pooja was boarding had already called its passengers for check in. She checked in and in a short while, flew away to KTM. We, whereas waited in patience only to listen to the announcement that a technical fault had forced the flight to get cancelled after an hour's delay. There was panic at the Airport. A business man with a connecting flight from ktm in the evening. A loud guy who was shouting at the administration demanding something, I think he was aslo not sure of. Two gals who kept on talking on the phone playin on my nerves telling their realtives the flight was cancelled. And sumiran, shouting along with the loud guy. Raghu as usual quite, And I not sure what to do.

So, to get a clear perspective, we went to the manager and asked him straight the possiblitiy of managing three seats in other flights. When the response was not very encouraging, we decided, probably due to the urge of that home coming I talked about earlier to get a car and rush to ktm. So we did, we rented a car in 5500. At 3:00 pm, we were still at Butwal, so at best we could arrive ktm at 9. Dad called in and urged to stay at bro's place which was probably sensible. We declined and went on with the journey. Mote met up at Narayan-Gadh. Probably worried about his brothers' symptoms of Asthma, he pulled few tricks to make me stay there, but i was unaltered with my decision. At 7:30 pm, we reached Malekhu and had our dinner. We were served hot and I thought how long had it been that i had eaten meal straight out of the kitchen. The food was good, the feeling was good and so had the journey till then. Who knew what was in store?

As we climbed up the hills surrounding the capital, we were stopped at various check points. I looked at the army whose job should have been somewhere in the border protecting, but the dilemma of the country had made them guard one eastablishment against the other inside the country and still unfortunate, they could not trust their own countrymen. So, they kept on asking what we did, where we were coming from. One of them said, "Yes we do need engineers. See, all the roads have been swept away by the rains." He wished us best of luck. I thought of doing the same, then i thought even if i wished him luck, he would probably end up killing a fellow nepali and saving his own life.

Deep in the thought of the country's scenario, I didnt see the long line of motor cars until we were very near. Something had gone wrong. Immediately, I remembered the shop owner describing an accident that killed a 20 odd people. God! how many ways people in this country have for loosing their lives. Then, somebody, whom I assume knew our driver, came upto us and told that an indian truck slipped and it lies horizontally in the road. Hence blocking both ways traffic. I thanked the God, and wished that the mess would be cleared soon. But, when we reached the site, we realized it would atleast take an hour to fix.

After some brave work of a nepali driver the truck was pulled over to one side of the road. And, as we were getting in to get going, our driver couldnt start the car. It sounded like the battery had failed to charge and there was no battery left to spark the gaseous mixture inside the piston. So, we were now left with a car with no head light and an engine that would only start if the car was pushed. We started moving slowly cleverly putting a bus or a truck infront of us and quitely following its trail. I, or as the matter of fact any one of us, dont think can describe what was going on inside us. Sumiran was visibly most scared. But, I can tell you each one of us were equally scared if not more than him.

At, 12:45 am, I and Raghu reached my place after dropping sumiran to his place. I hadnt been so relieved in my life when I met mom and pops. Then, I realized Life is precious. And I fell in love with my life. That was the day.

Nonsense Irritations and a Frustrated mind

2006-07-08T20:28:00.001+05:45

"This is probably the time of my life when I have been stressed the most." And I know stress can make you cranky and loose your temper even when nothing has changed around you; not even in the magnitudes of millimeters.

I know I need to control myself. Collect all my anger and put it together to help my cause. To achieve what it now seems impossible. All that is easier said than done. Because, above all the theories in life that I know, putting them to the practical effect has been very very poor from my side.

And then I lashed upon the guys without any reason. They probably make out that I am stressed. Yes, I am! but it's none of their business. What wrong have they done to make me depressed. I am sorry and apologise both to the guys and the God(if there is any)!
I get irritated with absolutely anything. From the inability of me to go talk to the teacher to not finding correct words to express me in this blog. The mind is frustrated. It, it seems, can take no more. But, I am overloading it and, like the overloaded processor, it makes my processing slow and makes me do stuff that I dont understand when I am acting on it only to realise I made a blunder when I have done it.

I have to pass through a difficult couple of minutes when I join them after I write this article now. I hope I dont commit a blunder again. But, with ways of making me irritated and frustrated being aplenty at this time, I would not be surprised If I broke down again.

Take care amu! Wish you all the best. Serioulsy, Take a good care of yourself. There is no excuse if you do something that upsets others just because you are upset. Be calm and relaxed. Nobody is conspiring against you. Love.

LMC Constitution

2006-07-05T00:21:00.000+05:45

Lets Make a Change, MNNIT. Allahabad Constitution

Section I - Name

Article I

The name of this organization shall be Lets Make a Change (hereafter called "LMC").

Article II

It shall be a non-profit organization

Section II - Purpose

Article I

To build and strengthen the Nepalese community and it’s friends living in the MNNIT Allahabad through active and collective participation.
To promote Nepalese culture and tradition.
To seek and explore opportunities for broader ties and partnerships with other communities.

Section III - Activities

Article I

Nepali New Year
Tihar Celebrations (Deusi Bhaili)
Birthday Celebrations
Parties as decided by the Executive Comittee

Article II

Any other social activities
All the activities are subject to change based on the circumstances and discretion of the Executive Committee and Board of Directors.

Section IV - Government

Article I - Members and Memberships

This organization shall be open to all individuals willing to support the purpose of LMC and work within the framework of this constitution. LMC shall not discriminate on the basis of age, sex, sexual orientation, race, color, national origin, religion, disability, marital status and military status.
An annual membership fee shall be levied to all the members of LMC.
Membership shall start and renew on the day of commencement of the classes of odd semester and terminate a day before the day of commencement of the classes of odd semester the following year.
Membership fee is subject to change annually.

Article II - Board of Directors (BOD)

There shall be upto 8 Board of Directors. Executive members also make up the 19 members Board of Directors.
The Board of Directors shall advise the Executive Committee and assist the LMC in various activities.

Article III - Executive Committee

The Executive Committee shall comprise of President, Vice President, Secretary, Treasurer, Cultural Secretary and Public Relations Officer. The Executive Committee is the governing body that works in conjunction with the Board of Directors to run all activities of LMC.
The following duties are required of the officers:

The President shall be the chief executive of the council and lead all activities and programs of LMC. The President shall approve all decisions of LMC in recommendation of the Executive Committee.
The Vice President shall assist the President and assume his/her duties when the President is unable to serve or during his/her leave of absence.
The Treasurer shall be responsible for all finances of LMC. The Treasurer shall maintain bank accounts and keep records of all income and expenses. The Treasurer shall prepare and present an annual financial statement. The Treasurer shall handle finances related to all the activites the organization is involved in.
The Secretary is the formal spokesperson of LMC. The Secretary shall call all formal meetings, take attendance, keep meeting minutes and communicate the proceedings to all LMC members.
Cultural Secretary shall be responsible for organizing cultural programs for LMC. Cultural Secretary shall co-ordinate with other parties willing to work in partnership with LMC to promote Nepalese culture and tradition. His/Her main objective for a annual calendar is to co-ordinate and organize the Nepalese participation at the annual cultural festival.
Public Relation Officer shall work to strengthen the relations between LMC and the community.

The Executive Committee in recommendation of the Board of Directors shall be able to form committees and assign responsibilities.
The Executive Committee in conjunction with the Board of Directors and the General Assembly shall be able to award “honorary” membership to noted individuals who contribute to the upliftment of the Nepalese communities or Nepal.

Article IV - Election Committee

The BOD and Executive Committee shall appoint an election committee to supervise the elections of officers one month prior to the election.
The election committee shall comprise of three individuals from the members of the LMC. These individuals shall not seek any nominations.
The election committee shall seek nominations from within the members of LMC.
The election committee shall formulate the election rules and design ballots two weeks prior to the election and present it to the Executive Committee.
The election committee shall be dissolved at the inception of the new Executive Committee.

Article V - General Assembly

The General Assembly shall consist of the entire membership of the LMC.
The General Assembly shall assemble at least twice every year on the day of the Fresher sans the Farewell party. It may assemble on other occasions if requested by the Executive Committee.
The Executive Committee must request sitting of the General Assembly if at least twenty five percent of the membership or 50 members, whichever is smaller, petition for discussion of specific issues.

Section V - Election and Appointments

Article I - Executive Committee

The members of the LMC shall elect the officers of the Executive Committee every one year, through voting. Voting is allowed for all LMC members.
The officers of the Executive Committee shall have atleast one-year prior membership with LMC.
The officers of the Executive Committee cannot remain in one position for more than one term.
Board of Directors must be LMC members

Article II – Board of Directors

Members of the Board of Directors shall be appointed by the General Assembly.

Article III – Elections

Elections of Executive Committee shall be held every one year, in the month of August or september during Nepalese Freshers’ party.
The term of the office shall start on the day following the Freshers’ party and terminate on the day of the Freshers’party the following year.

Article IV – Election Supervision

An election committee will hold the election.

Article V – Election Tie

In case of a tie for any position the election committee shall decide based on the flip of a coin.

Section VI - Operational Details

Article I – Meetings

The Secretary shall call meetings of the Executive and Board of Directors as needed. A written or verbal notice of each meeting stating the agenda, place, day and time shall be given atleast an hour in advance. At least one meeting of the Advisory and Executive Committee must be called every month. Special meetings can be called by the President at his/her discretion in case of special circumstances without prior notice.

Article II – Decisions

All major issues related to the LMC will be decided at the meetings of the Executive and Board of Directors through consensus. In conflict, the decision will be taken by the vote of Executive Committee during the meetings.

Article III – President’s Discretion

The President shall have the right to act upon the issues that need immediate attention. The decision must be communicated to both the councils within the next day and form a general consensus on that decision.

Article IV – Attendance

Council members cannot miss any meetings of the council unless the President excuses their absence prior to the meetings. Any unexcused absence is subject to dismissal from the councils.

Section VII – Amendments

These by-laws may be adopted, amended and repealed by a majority vote of the members of LMC. Members of LMC include the Executive Committee, the Board of Directors and the General Assembly.

Section VIII - Resignations, Vacancies and Removals

Any member of the LMC Executives and Board of Directors may resign from their post with a two-week prior notice, in writing to the President. The vacant position will be filled by the BOD through the nomination of the executive committee within two days.
If any executive member or BOD member is not fulfilling his/her responsibilities, the General Assembly can suspend or remove him/her from the position by a two-third-majority vote. Such suspension or removal shall only come after prior warning of his/her conduct.

Section IX – Dissolution

In the event of dissolution of this organization, the organization shall organize a grand party for all the LMC members.

A delicate Balance.

2006-06-20T04:42:00.003+05:45

Talking to the reporters after his day long consultations with the SPA leaders, the Maoist Supremo said "Nepal does not need a 90,000 strong army force." Although, the statement is worth applauding, I hope his party has figured out a way to achieve that.

It is hard to believe that majority of Maoist cadres joined the unit because they understood Maoism to the root and are completely committed to the party.People who had been forcefully recruited would probably be delighted with the supremo's statement, but the people who joined the armed struggle on their own will might have one or two things to say and they could use guns and hide in the jungles again if they were not listened to. After all, the party lead and proved with example that an armed revolution can actually revolutionise a nation and make the eastablishment listen to you.

The party gave the unemployed youth a direction, an aim in life, and above all a job. They identified themselves with the revolution. They had a target that they fought hard to achieve. By the way the peace process is heading, it looks like their would be a compromise between all the power centres. But then, as far as I understand Maoism, it appreciates no compromise at all. And, if any of your cadre really followed Maoism, then he would be unhappy too.

So, we have a set of people who are unhappy because they understand Maoism too well and another set of people who might be unhappy because they might fear they would be stripped off of the job they had been carrying out for years now.

No matter how tircky the situation is, it is clear that the stability of the much awaited peace in the Himalayan Nation will depend on how the Maoist leaders handle this situation within their own party. We can only hope that their is enough discipline in the party that whatever decisions the top level leaders take will be passed and obeyed by the grass root level cadres.

Again Incomplete

2006-06-13T14:33:00.000+05:45

Number of times now; I have lost count how many times have I withdrawn from the endeavours in their very beginings. I have never given myself or the task any chance to assess whether I really like them, or it was just a rush of a blood that led me so passionately to start these works in the first place. There are so many things that have not been updated, my studies in several courses, included.

This blog adventure of mine is just one of these painstakingly (painstaking not because i worked pretty hard at it, but because I never or seldom gave any time to it) incomplete endeavours. If you read my first blog, you would know, I had promised you all and myself that there would be a new one everyday or every week atleast. And, few months later, here I am struggling to publish even a single in a month.

Struggle is the word. Everyday, I struggle with myself to achieve that degree of perseverance required to achieve or get something done. And, I end up doing nothing. And, I still feel like I need or deserve a vacation from all these things that I am (have been) doing. Then, I ponder upon and try to remember what was the last task that I had completed without any compromise. I am still trying to remember...

A person once told, "Perseverance is the key to success". It is true allright. It is also true that I dont have that key to unlock the locks latched at the doors of success. The only alternative left for me therefore is to keep on looking for options, keep on taking new adventures, untill I stick with one and hope that the passion of mine for that job will teach me how to endure pain in order to achieve something that is worthwhile of taking that pain.

Dad always says, "I am incompetant". I will never believe in that because I dont want to. But, I cant ignore what my creator has observed in me. I might be incompetant but only in the fields that I have failed to realize that they meant a lot to me. The sad part is I have failed to do that a several times now.

For me, the reason the way I am right now, is not because I lack perseverance or competancy, but my inability to finish off the task that I have started. Because, you are in a position to assess your competancy and perseverance put into the task only when you complete it. To know how far behind you were from the winner of a race you need to actually finish the race, Abandoning it will never let you know where you stand in the real world.

I pray to the god, that it gives me the power to achieve what I set to achieve. May the lord pashupatinath bless me and us all.

The Fear!!

2006-05-08T10:25:00.000+05:45

I have been thinking hard why I wanted to blog about this topic. When I was climbing the stairs of C.C today, I was 100% sure that I was going to write about this topic today. This was one of few times when I have been so decisive in the past couple of years. And, yet when I typed the topic and tried to roll my fingers on the keyboard to write about it, my fingers stuck!

I was not sure why I was writing about it. Probably, because I was really scared today. After all I saw my marks in couple of the subjects and have faced with a possibility of flunking in both of them. Or, I have been so worried about my future for past couple of weeks and that to is a consequence of my poor academic performance in this fucked up college.

When I say, my college is fucked up, its just an excuse. And its just a way of shoving away from my own responsibility. Its amazing of human nature that when he does something to be proud of, how he feels that the whole world had nothing to do with it; and when he fails in something, he believes that the whole world is conspiring against him/her. So, that I think should sum up why I blame my college for whatever that has gone wrong with me.

But, this time, the scene is all set for something to get really really wrong. I had compromised with life. I had told myself, this fucked up place is not where I was suppose to be in the first place. I had made it clear to myself that I was not doing justice to myself by studying Engineering. I somehow made myself believe that I have a brighter prospect with something else. That, I believed and I loved the plan that I had come up with. I had a vision. I had found a destination where I wanted to reach. It made me happy that I was finally transformed to this guy who is worried. Worried about his future and his family. And, it made me proud that I was really thinking big. That I was capable of thinking something of that large stature.

Then again, today, I have this feeling inside me which says that I am looser. And that I should not be setting goals for myself, and that too real ambitious ones, because they are never going to be achieved. I lack that jest, that synegry, that perseverance needed to do any job. In these past 3 years, I have been nothing but a looser in every field. Every thing that I put my sight onto goes seriosly and irrepairably wrong.

And, that is why I am scared. I am scared of myself. This fear inside me is multiplying with every passing moment, even as I realize that I have seriously failed to identify myself and my career prospects. Yet another failure. And, one of the most agonising fear of mine.

Padma Sundar Lawati

2006-03-16T12:20:00.000+05:45

The state run television has always been or forced to be a monotonous mouthpiece of the ruling few in kathmandu. This is a response to a television interview given by Mr. Padma Sundar Lawati in the state owned television the other night. The views expressed by him, I thought, were intended to please the ruling the class and had a tone that would make any democratic person go to a spin. On point to point basis, I would like to remind Mr. Lawati why and where is he and possibly the government going wrong in understanding the present political situation.

1. The king is the only unifying factor of Nepali.

Ok! This is what we have been studying since our school days. If, I was still a child innocent of my country's history, I would believe it. But I am not. Are we Neapli really that weak that if (hypothetically) there were no monarchy, we would be divided? More divided than we are now? Yes, we were unified as one by His majesty's the king prithvi bir bikram shah dev some 200 years ago. But, since then our (or rather the monarchy's) history has been about nothing more than power struggles and bloodsheds. Do I need to remind you about the most recent one?

2. The Maoists are using the Seven parties, and the crippled seven parties are using hook or crook to get into power.

This might be a possibility. But, since we, the Nepali people are trusting the establishment in kathmandu, that they are committed to bring peace to the country even when it failed to reciprocate to a unilateral ceasefire by the maoists, I think we should also give a chance to this unholy of all the alliances. After all, every body is asking for time; the king is asking the time, we dont seem to mind it. Not giving the these people what we are giving to the eastablishment(ie time) would really be a biased step. The point here is not that who is involved in the peace making process but eastablishment of peace.

3. Seven parties are with maoists just to reach to the people of village.

I dont know what is the problem with that? They(seven parties) are trying to have an interaction at locall level. This statement clarifies two points. The government has no means to get what people in real Nepal (village) really want because it has lost too much grounds to the rebels. Atleast the parties are trying to get the feel of the people, the eastablishment at kathmandu does not even care.

4. If Iran and Afghanistan can have elections, why can't we have a general election?

I dont understand why would he compare Nepal with these states. Why would you not compare the election process with some lesser controversial election processes. This means that you believe that if there were suppose to have an election, it would be highly controversial and therefore irregularities would occur. And you still believe that Nepal is not a failure state. Come on, a country whose election is due for more than 3 years, not a failure. Were you high on previous days bhang?

5. If they(seven parties) are not ready to hold talks with the government, this government will keep on running without any hassles.

Now, this is most irresponsive response I have heard from somebody who is a leader of country's leading party. This sums up the mood of autocracy that prevails in the administration today. They are simply not worried about getting a solution to this decade long problem.

My First Blog

2006-02-24T21:25:00.000+05:45

Hi! I am Amod Niroula, presently a bachelor student in Allahabad, India. My major in college is Electronics Engineering. And, believe me after nearly three years in college, I really dont know what designs will I come up with regarding my further studies, my job or life for that matter. Confusing eh? Time to leave the confusions behind and focus on my first blog. Here it goes.

For some time now, I have been thinking of blogging. And it was not until today (Feb 24) that I actually got my head straight and actually made myself to create a blogspot for myself. I have always admired other people's blog ( well not always) and there had always been this inner voice that directed me to have my own blog space.

As I start off with all my new diaries, I would like to introduce myself to all of you who actually clicked on a link or typed it ( those who typed it, I might have just forced you guys to check my latest adventure, lol!) to arrive where you are now.

My high school certificate will give you my DOB as 24-4-1984 and that is what I want you guys all to believe in. The first son of my parents ( Mr. Bodh Raj Niroula and Mrs. Bijaya Niroula), I grew up in diferent cities across Nepal, my country. But, I spent most of my childhood (as far as I can remember) in Kathmandu along with my brother (Mr. Abesh Niroula, nick mote). Mote, my 2 year junior brother has always been more than a brother to me. He has always been a friend of mine who is very critical and supportive.

Four years before, I met the love of my life (Ms. Sujata Dulal). It has been rather romantic. Every moment spent with her has been there as my treasured ones. And those moments where we have had our differences are even more dear to me because through each of those time of crisis, we both have learnt a lot and grown up in being a sensible human being. lol!

What kind of person I am, I hope you will understand if you keep on taking time out of your busy schedule and read my blogs, which I intend to post atleast one in a week about various aspects of my life and the chaos the world is in.

Thank You again for the pain you went through reading my first blog. I hope I improve with each one. Bye take care, and come back soon.